The "C" word

For the last few days I could not think of anything to blog on so I have stayed away until now. 

Yesterday I went to a Breast Cancer Support Group with a co worker. She invited me to be her "plus one". I said o.k. because to me it was an honor.  She is very private and does not share her story.  She is a beautiful person and can not see it for her physical scars.

As I was sitting listening to the stories of the survival and diagnosis-es of the different women I realized that God sent me here.  He knew at that time that was the place I was suppose to be.   I listened as my coworker spoke for the very first time in any of the previous meetings allowing others into her journey.  I was so proud of her.   I sat there thinking of why me and then I remember God has sent me here prepared because of my walk before I came to this point.

In 2011 I changed Doctors because I changed jobs so I wanted to be closer to home.  Home is consistent jobs are not.  Find a Doctor close to home.  I went to a PCP and told him that I had fibroids and was told that they should be taken out.  I had avoided in the previous years because life got in the way. My previous Dr. of several years just told me to let her know when I was ready. Little did I know changing Dr's would change my life.

My PCP recommended this OBGYN practice upstairs from his office and He actually had his nurse make an appointment to insure that I would go.  I get upstairs and there is this empty waiting room and a nurse working from a laptop.  I am thinking what kinda mess is this?   I go back and meet the Dr. and she asked several questions before she examined me.  During my exam she kept asking me could I not feel the fibroids I told her no ( I guess I was use to them).She set another appointment and I think she asked that I bring my husband.  We went to the office and she told me I needed to get the fibroids out.  She said I did not realize how sick I was because I had just adjusted to the long periods and being tired all the time, and I had.  She said pick a day... I told her it would have to be the next year and she said " No it will be This Year"

So her we go.. before you have a hysterectomy you have to have a mammogram.  It is standard.  Well try 4 mammograms and then a biopsy to remove tissue because they think you may have pre-cancerous cells.  That which determines if you get to keep an ovary or take hormone medication. This all happened 3 weeks before I was to have surgery.  At one point I was asked to come to the hospital immediately for a follow up and I went to the wrong hospital. I was so delirious I could not even think to call anyone. When I realized I was at the wrong place I sat in my car and cried.  My thoughts were not only am I having my uterus removed , they may also take my breast.  I could not breath.

After the biopsy I went see a specialist to review the findings with me.  He was so kind.  The first thing he said to me was "You are not going to loose your breast and you are not going to die".  After we finished he asked if I would like for him to explain it to my husband and mother who were in the waiting room.  BTW he was there on his off day just to see me because he was of a good friend of my OBGYN.

So I dodged the breast bullet and had my surgery.

Then in 2012 my most favorite cousin for which we share a middle name is diagnosed with breast cancer.  I became her silent partner.  When I could make it I went to her Dr's appointment and her treatments.  I would sit with her and make sure she was comfortable.  My sister and I would swap up spending the night with her after treatment to make sure she ate and did not get sick.  When introduced at her appointments we would say she is our " cousin-sister-friend.  She had a mastectomy and is now back at work. She was a trooper and I am so proud of her strength.

Now here I am in this meeting..just where I am suppose to be with my coworker who will have surgery at the end of the month.  I have only known her for a few months but I have already told her she had better get ready for me to be there when she wakes up..

 I can't say enough about my OBGYN. By the way I now work for her.  That is how much she means to me.  She started her own practice and I went to volunteer when I was laid off and have not left.  She is my Godsend and I want to do whatever I can to make sure she is successful.

God has a way of putting you in the right place at the right time.  I am right where I should be.

Setting Standards 

Today I was reminded of how so many women/young girls will put up with any and everything and call it a relationship.  I literally had to separate a young lady  from her male friend to get what was really going on with her.  Come to find out she is is a bad situation and it will only get worse if she does not make some changes, because as we all know he is not going to change.   I say this all the time and I will say it till I get the point across to whomever will listen.  "You Teach People How To Treat You"! Period end of story.  

• If a friend is always calling you asking for money or a ride to work and you don't feel comfortable asking for reciprocity that is what you get in return. Nothing
• If the man you date was cheating with you what do you think will happen when things get bad in your relationship.  "If he cheats with you he will cheat on you" You set the standard when you allowed it to go on.
• If your boss uses you to do things he does not want to do our sends you to pick up his kids and laundry without compensation yet with expectation. This is a problem 
• If your husband/wife spends more time with his friends than with you,, I will leave that one alone.  I will just say that I would expect if you work all day you would want to spend more time with your spouse than your friends 
• If you have to spend your time checking your loved ones phone .... ??? Why are you checking their phone?? What are you looking for? If you have to go looking expect to find something and then don't get your panties in a wad. 

If you are the receiver of these actions you have set these standards for yourself.  You decide how people treat us daily. No matter what the interaction it is how we respond or react that sets the standard.

I tell my co-workers quite often that I love them and I truly mean it.   I also tell them it is easier to love than it is to hate.  It takes to much energy and besides that gives the other person control.  When you lower your standard/expectations you have no right to be angry with anyone but yourself because you have allowed that energy in your spirit. 

You should always want to get what you give. I try to show everyone the real me daily. I am direct, show tough love and would do anything for you until you cross me and then I will surely let you know.  I don't bite my tongue because that is a waist of time. People always know where I stand with them and I hope they do the same with me. I am quick to correct myself if I make a mistake. I will not change who I am to gain friends.  That is not me. 

For my friends who see yourself in these examples know that God did not put you on this earth to be abused or used.  We all have the right to be respected and loved unconditionally.   First you have to love yourself because if not you will never know what true love is.   

Set your Standards and Stand Firm ! 

The Power of the Tongue 

There certain times when people are going through major changes in their lives that words are sometimes too much.   I will use my daughter today because this is very relevant. 

My grand baby has failed her hearing test since birth.   That is something we have been dealing, praying and just digesting since the first failed test.  It is interesting to me how some people will say things like "Well at least she has five fingers and toes!"  " Well she is still beautiful"  People please none of this helps the parents or  any part of the family to make it alright.  This is a time when just being there and offering support if you don't know what to say.  

Please don't be sorry because God truly has a plan for our Ellie.  We are not sure what it is but we are standing in His name for guidance and the next steps this season.   I just ask that you pray for whatever God has for her and make it Big!  As you are doing that learn to sign.  If not for Ellie for someone you never thought you would communicate with.  

As for Erica and Andrew give them a break.  The can only repeat so many times what the doctor said. Please allow them to process their next steps and have a little time for adjustment.  If you have a need to know ask me.  Right now they need a rest  This is all new for all of us   .  I truly hope you understand. 

Blessings to you. 

Andrea Tarpley